


JUST SET ME ON FIRE OKAY?

by Anonymous



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: I'M SO SORRY VERNON, I'm Sorry, I'm so fucking sorry, Masterbation, Multi, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Watersports, golden showers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-08-28 08:29:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8438542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorryBased on the "Pee in his mouth" instagram video.I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M NOT SORRY, OKAY MOSTLY I'M SORRY.((OH CRAP LOOKS LIKE I'M GOING TO BE PUTTING MORE SHAME HERE.))





	1. "Pee in his Mouth"

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry Vernon and Dan, just... turn your eyes away, let me burn in this, it's a joke I swear to god it's a joke I'm so, so very sorry... I can't believe I'm the first and only person to write this LOOK YOU CAN'T GO MAKING INSTAGRAM POSTS LIKE THAT AND NOT EXPECT SOMETHING TO HAPPEN.

“WORD ON THE STREET IS YOU NEED SOMEONE T’PEE IN YER MOUTH!”

It was a joke, he’d laughed, they’d laughed, jokes like this were common in the office and that’s where they’d end.

At least for everyone else that’s where they ended.

Vernon, blushing and giggling would squeal and complain, make noise at how they needed an HR department and let it all blow over to the next joke that he would be the butt of but he didn’t mind.

Jerking off at home at the wash of humiliation which once he was alone he could relive at his leisure. No, the worst part of these jokes was how it was becoming increasingly difficult to hide these shame boners at work.

Venon wasn’t gay, maybe he wasn’t 110% straight but at least in 99.9% of his fantasies he’d imagine a dominant woman over him, making him bend and beg. (And afterward cuddle, even in his fantasies he was all about gentle aftercare, full body hugs, no safeword.)

But it was that .1% of the time…  
When the woman would get a little taller than usual, where her hair would curl, her voice would drop, where he would close his eyes and imagine the harsh scratch of stubble bringing him to shaking completion.

The joke was supposed to die, they would laugh, he would jerk off to it, then it would be over.  
He had original friends and a wide range of sexual fantasies he rarely focused on one for all that long.

And yet this one would find himself on his knees in the shower imagining the warm water as something else.  
Something to make him dirty.  
Something to show he was nothing.  
Something to truly degrade and humiliate him with. 

He never came so hard in his life.

Dan was an attractive man, Dan was his friend, Dan was often teasing him.

It wasn’t surprising then that Dan became central to some of his really deviant fantasies.

Not that he’d ever do anything about it.

No, he might place himself in positions that allowed Dan to tease him, might have stood just a little closer than necessary in a bathroom to get a glance at the thing he wanted to fuel his fantasies later.

But he was straight, Dan was straight, they were friends, Vernon would rather set himself on fire than ever let this secret out.

It was a joke, it would pass. 

Until then he would open his mouth to warm water and imagine.


	2. Day and Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Originally from Figments and Fragments I'm gonna mash these together.

Vernon had two modes to him.  
Day Vernon was what everyone usually saw, silly, funny, easily embarrassed by some of the things his friends did, easygoing enough not to actually care about some of the things his friends did.

Night Vernon was a little different.  
Day Vernon didn’t really like to think about night Vernon, when he was alone and unable to sleep, when he would jokingly shitpost on the internet but inside it was not-so-secretly him trying to find validation in his existence to push back creeping depression and anxiety. Night Vernon would make stupid choices for him like asking questions to strangers that he didn’t actually want answered, things he would immediately delete and regret for weeks later, anxiety eating at him for it just empowering his inability to sleep well and giving night Vernon more time to embarrass him more.

Night Vernon like to go onto dating sites wishing he was able to post himself on there and maybe luck out and meet someone, he liked to read craigslist adds, wishing that it wasn’t a 10:1 ratio of men to women and that the women posting weren’t mostly prostitutes.

A particularly late night Vernon liked to post on those sites, anonymous pleas for someone to spend some time with him knowing he’d get no reply.

/Seeking full body cuddles, no sex, no safeword/

He didn’t even remember posting it the next morning. He’d never gotten a reply on these things before, night Vernon usually sending something out into the void of the internet, and day Vernon finding it and deleting it later.

He never got replies…

/Can meet tonight, my place is preference or a hotel if you want to pay for it. Just cuddles. No drugs, no alcohol, bring a movie./

Day Vernon got the message in the middle of answering quite a few different e-mails, sitting on it, mulling it over as the day went on.

He’d never gotten a reply before.  
Should he?

As the day wound down and he found himself sitting at home the e-mail came back, eating at him, making him wonder what kind of person this was. Who went through craigslist actually looking for someone just to hold them?

Besides him of course.

Was it a man? A woman? Did it really matter? Would they try to kill him? Blackmail him (for what? a hug??)

/Sorry for replying so late, is the offer for hugs and movies still on the table?/

No, no he should just apologize and reject the offer, he’d just been joking.  
And yet he hit send.

/Sure./

He found himself writing down the address, sending it in an e-mail attachment to himself to the grump e-mail account that anyone could check.  
If he died well then people would know where and why.  
If not then he’d be able to catch and delete that in the morning before anyone saw.

Day Vernon knew this was stupid and he shouldn’t do it.  
But night Vernon was lonely and didn’t care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not here to kinkshame Vernon.  
> But my kink is to kinkshame Vernon.


	3. Red Jacket

Red Jacket.

He was looking for someone in a red jacket.

It was almost one in the morning when Vernon walked into the 24-hour diner, a good public place to meet someone for some weird ‘whatever he was getting himself into’ on craigslist. 

It had a nice back alley to get murdered in he supposed.

He hadn’t thought to ask for any other details beyond /Not to sound like a creep but what are you wearing so I recognize you?/ getting back a message of /Red jacket, black pants/

Gender, hight, weight, hair colour, all that other stuff that was important in knowing who was who didn’t seem to pop into his head.

He spotted the jacket, not that it was hard, there was a grand total of four people in here, three of them sitting together and the only person alone being the person he was hopefully looking for.

“Um… Hey? Uh I think you were waiting for me?” He asked waving off the waitress and shuffling close to the table.  
“Cuddle-kink?” They looked up at him and waved to the seat in front of them as he gave a little nod.   
“So…” 

Now that he was here he had no idea what to do and he was just feeling more uncomfortable with each passing moment. He could tell that his face was going red and he was probably sweating and just the shame and anxiety welling up in him he wanted to sink into the seat and disappear.

It didn’t help that they were just looking at him, thinking, his anxiety ramping up to a whole new level as the thought dragged through his head /do they RECOGNIZE ME?/

“U-um…” He started to giggle and stammer his mind racing through scenarios where they’d jump up and call his name, take photo or video and mock him, would he lose his job? How bad would something like this follow him? 

This was a terrible idea…

“Y’don’t look like the type who will try to gut me in my sleep… And I think I could take you if you tried. Do you want to come to my place or do you want to get a hotel?”  
“I um…”  
“If you come to my place I have a cat and a roommate, they’re both assholes but the roommate will leave us alone. No promises on the cat.”  
“Oh… I have a cat too! Her names Michele.”  
“Cool. Mine’s name is Bo, he’s a fat douche but I love him.”

Vernon cracked a little smile, pets were easy to talk about.

“So my place then?  
“Yeah, I’d love to meet Bo.”  
“Ground rules, no fluid exchange at all, hands stay above the waist, skin contact is fine but you scratch me and I will beat the crap out of you, okay?”  
“Uh… Yeah that um fine.” Vernon bit his tongue to keep from giggling not wanting to make them mad. He had no intention of breaking any of those rules but he wasn’t really expecting to get any, he wasn’t really expecting anything.

“Cool then.” With a wave to the waitress they got up, Vernon awkwardly hovering while they paid for their coffee wondering if he should have offered to pay or if that would have been more weird. 

Following them out he let out a shaking breath, stopping to grab his bike and follow them as they walked up the street leading him into a back alley where he muttered “Please don’t kill me” as he followed them in.

“What?”  
“Oh uh… I said please don’t kill me.”  
“You’re worried I’m going to kill you?”  
“Kinda yeah.”  
“… Well good.”  
“W-what?”  
They laughed and shrugged. “Well if you’re worried I’m gonna kill you and I’m worried you’re gonna kill me hopefully neither of us is going to kill the other. I mean no promises but I don’t murder on the first date.”  
“Don’t wanna come across as that easy?”  
“Well duh, first date I gotta get to know you, second date maybe a little bit of maiming, third date of course is screaming at the old gods, it’ll be the at least the fourth date before I straight up shank you for my bloodstone rituals.”

Vernon laughed feeling a bit more relaxed especially as they left the alley and came out by some apartments. “So is this a date?”  
“Not really, this is a late night possible terrible idea type meet-up. If we do this again THEN it’ll be a date.”  
“Ah yeah, sounds reasonable.”

Getting to the apartment there was a sizeable orange cat at the door to greet them, loud and friendly he rubbed up against Vernon making a point to leave as much hair on him as possible. 

“Don’t worry we’ve got lint rollers before you leave.”  
“No problem, I don’t mind.”

It was a pretty nice place, sparsely decorated but clean, leading Vernon to their bedroom he looked around, books, a desk, a few figures but not much. 

“How long have you been living here?”  
“In LA? Like 10 years or something, here specifically like 3 or so? I just don’t like to own a bunch of crap that I don’t use so I tend to just not own much stuff.”

Vernon nodded looking at the books they did own, a little disappointed to see no music.   
“I’m just gonna put on a movie is that cool?”  
“Yeah, sure.”  
“Big spoon or little spoon?” They asked patting their bed making Vernon stammer.  
“Uhh what?”  
“Do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon? I’m cool either way.”  
“Um… Is it okay if I were the little spoon?” He was bigger but Vernon had a craving to be held lately, part of the craving was to be held down but being snuggled would also do.  
“No prob-bob. Make yourself comfy”

It was a little weird, laying in someone elses bed, unfamiliar but it smelled clean, he took in a deep breath, not really SMELLING the sheets but just breathing it in.

He wondered if they washed them recently just for this. It was a nice thought if they did.

Leaning over him to turn on the movie Vernon let out a contented little sigh as they settled against his back, arms and legs over him like they’d know each other for years and not less than an hour.

It wasn’t until he was dozing off that he realized neither of you had even introduced yourselves.

But that was a problem for future Vernon to deal with, for now he was warm and comfortable and the burning worry in his chest had died down with the weight of another person on him he let himself fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idek what I'm doing with this.


	4. sweet dreams are made of this

Vernon was an early riser most of the time.

Dawn came and he just couldn’t sleep anymore after that, it didn’t matter if he went to bed late or early, five hours or one, once he was up he was up, consciousness and all of the buzzing in his brain slapping him awake.

He wondered idly somewhere in the back of his head for a brief moment if he was sick. Too warm, a weight on his chest, a fuzzy feeling of not wanting to move he actually drifted on the edge of sleep falling back a few more times before the weight on him shifted and jolted him up. 

Two pounding heartbeats of confusion the person on him shifted again mumbling something into his chest as he remembered what had happened the night before.

The first 20 minutes of Aliens followed by the best sleep he could remember getting in a long, long time.

“Timeisit?” They repeated rubbing their face into his shirt.  
“I dunno where… Where are my glasses?”  
A finger pointed to the side table where his glasses were perched on his cellphone, kindly plugged in for him.   
“Sorry.” Vernon felt a little bad moving away since he’d been turned into their bodypillow (by his own request) but they rolled over as he moved to grab his glasses and check the time.

“Shit!”  
“What?” That got them sitting up.  
“It’s 9, I gotta go.” He replied scrambling out of the bed checking that he had everything. Usually no one got to the office until 10, more often than not even later, but he didn’t want someone reading the e-mail he’d sent to himself and he at least needed to get on him home computer to delete it.  
“Oh shit sorry, it’s my day off I forgot to set an alarm.”  
“Don’t worry about it it’s not your fault. I um…” All of his things accounted for he stood there a little awkwardly, how do you say goodbye after something like this? A hug? A kiss on the cheek? A firm handshake?  
The choice was made for him as they sat up onto their knees opening their arms for a hug goodbye.

“Have a good day, if you wanna do this again feel free to message me, you’re a good pillow dude.”  
“Thanks? I um… I had a good time so… Yeah thanks. Uh sorry to kinda cut and run but I really gotta go, thank you again!”  
“Shoo off with you, no problem.” They waved him off not even bothering to see him out the door, he felt a little uncomfortable with the level of trust that they weren’t locking the door after him or making sure he didn’t steal something on his way out. Not that he would but just to be trusted not to felt like a lot of responsibility to him.

Getting home and deleting the e-mail making sure to even go into the trash folder and deleting it from there as well Day Vernon finally relaxed promising himself that he wouldn’t do something like that again.

It was a shame Night Vernon didn’t care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still don't know what I'm doing with this but I know that it's going to get weirder.


End file.
